function speech_list(){
    speech = new Array("Where are you going?","I'm headed for the avant-garde to become a great painter.","You're too late. Painting is dead as the dodo","I will elucidate fundamental themes of human existence.","Back in 1305, painters were leaders in culture and technology.","I will shock the bourgoisie with my bold statements.","We were media stars AND scientists-hot stuff!","I will uncover the hypocrisy of modern life","Even after science took its own direction, painters did ok.","I will not nostalgically recapitulate past ideological dogma.","Our technique and materials kept getting better.","My perfomative approach will surmount quotidian limitations.","Then along came this jerk named Daguerre and it all went to hell.","I become tribal and exuberantly insouciant.","No matter how good a painting was, a daguerrotype was a lot faster and cheaper.","I renounce individuated forms of individualistic greed enterprise","For a while, we tried to fight back with color-it was even kind of fun.","I am post-revolutionary.","Impressionism, expresssionism, suprematism. Who said the sky had to be blue?","I instantiate an institutional critique","Then about 1935 they got color film.","I am the quest for freedom","We tried to make a last stand in surrealism.","I will assault alienation.","It was never very secure and after Photoshop it was pointless","I will construct a zeitgeist barometer to measure the escchatological immanance of the transformative event.","During this same period, arts became institutionalized.","I will connect directly with the viewer.","Before museums took over, art patrons were spending their own money.","I will bring everything new into being","People who are spending their own money care about what they get for that money.","I am the edgy alternative","An employee spending someone else's money just needs to cover his ass.","I will galvanize the masses.","That's where all that 'Epater la bourgeoisie!' stuff comes from.","I will appropriate the art world's celebrity making star system","Go to your nearest art museum and check out the crowd. See lots of pierced punks or super-models?","I will not be complicit in the cult of privilege","Hell no, they're all middle-class people with three bedroom houses and white-collar jobs.","My manifesto will pose ineluctably existentialist conundrums.","But if they were allowed to decide for themselves what was good or bad-","My interventionist technique poses serious questions about the politics of gendered space","They could decide that their museum's staff was a bunch of clueless twits!","My art will shake the foundations of beaureaucratically hierarchical structures.","But if art is WHATEVER experts say it is, and museums are all run by art experts-","I will serve militant educational goals","Then ANYTHING in the museum is art! Even if it's just a pile of [fill in the blank] on the floor. ","Subjectivity is objective.","And if you don't like this officially vetted acme of Contemporary Art -","I will suffer the melancholic isolation of the studio for the sake of art.","Then you must be one of those bourgeois doody-heads.","I will radically change the way people see.","Of course museums aren't alone, the art galleries play a part too.","I will recapitulate Van Gogh's essentially tragic solitary adventure","If craftsmanship counts for nothing and your taste is always wrong, why buy art?","I will embrace radically democratic participatory collectivism.","The galleries' answer is the Beanie Baby Theory of Aesthetics","I will assail industrialization in favor or the auratic qualities of craft.","If it's collectable and rare then it's valuable.","I will radically defend the autonomy of art","First an artist needs a recognizable brand; that makes him collectable.","I will personify the symbiosis of the zeitgeist.","For instance, eyes like a flounder means Picasso, explosion in a paint factory means Pollak.","I will be a bastion  athwart the raging tide of dilettantism.","Then limit the supply, but not too much, because you have to sell enough to stay in business.","I am the eidolon of the oppressed.","Hand crafting unique objects works but it's hard to scale up production when times are good.","I am the existential Art Theorist","Pre-Daguerre, a water-color sketch every day or so was considered pretty fast work.","My work is freighted with architypal symbols.","Fortunately, we live in the post-Daguerre art world. Grab a [whatever]. Sign it. Put in in the Gallery.","I transcend the collective gaze.","Problem solved, the only limit to artistic production is market saturation.","I conceptualize systems of exchange radically reconfiguring the relation of commodity to fetish.","For this to work though, the artist has to be famous.","I will force the heedless to reflect.","The old method was to create images so rich with meaning they remained engraved in a viewer's memory.","I create networks of meaning for the alienated.","This requires the ability to create meaningful images which are emotionally resonant.","I will master tongue-in-cheek finger-pointing image refactoring","Fortunately, sexual imagery, dead animals, religous symbols and excrement can also excite strong feelings.","I create narrative landscapes of colliding no-sequiturs.","And, best of all, they don't have to be  very well done to be effective.","I will explore fields of subjectivity and power.","In our new modern age,  each group can specialize on what they do best.","I will make the viewer aware of his own existence in some new way.","Photographers will fill the world with all the pleasing or informative pictures we'll ever need.","I will construct a transformative experience.","Painters can Fundamentally Restructure Perception and Reform our Flawed Society.","I will conceptualize a strategy to decentralize the authorial masculine voice and employ a non-hierarchical model of organization and production.","It says so in just about every Artist's Statement I've ever read.","I will transform the constitutive elments of painting into processual metamorphosis.","Is there ANYONE who actually believes that paintings are going to Stop War or Reorder Society?","My work will be delightfully excruciating.","Arts that people actually enjoy do fine without government subsidies, institutes or MFA's.","I will objectify the foundational ethos of high culture.","Cartoons, illustration, movies and video games do fine without any of those things.","My art is food for the soul.","If you want to see paint applied with consumate craftmanship to create objects of stunning beauty, go to a custom car show.","I will explore fundamental themes of humor, existence, life, death, and Art itself.","If you want emotional truth wedded to memorable images, check out Walt Kelly or Will Eisner.","I will wake society up to the limits of its current progression.","Great art exists in abundance all around us. Just not in our galleries, academies or museums.","My art is about the crossing of boundaries and the questioning of stuctures.","And yet these people claim to be the cultural, aesthetic and moral elite of society.","My art is the perturbing factor denoting a signal of alarm that will wholly pervade social language and imagery ","The Emperor not only has no clothes, he is obese, decrepit, and practices vile personal hygene","Bah!");
}